Weight Restoration

Well it's been a while and all I can say is how well I've been doing. Each day i grow stronger in myself and my confidence grows and so does my determination. Mentally I am doing better than ever.. at about 5'7-5'8 I sadly started around 90 pounds- which is deadly dangerous for my height. Although nearly 6 months later I find myself 23 pounds heavier than before. I am thriving and I feel amazing. The ironic thing is that I feel thinner and smaller now then I did when I weighed 23 pounds less. The lack of nutrition which lead to little to no concentration, constant mental deprivation, and delusions made me feel a thousand times bigger than I actually was. In fact i'm still underweight but I'm entering a place where food doesn't phase me as much and weight gain doesn't rule my life. This is not to say I don't struggle sometimes, because I do, but slowly and surely I feel like my disorder is fleeing. I cannot begin to explain the intense euphoria it brings me. I'm seriously on cloud nine most of the time. I've concurred more in just a few short months than I have in most of my life. I'm getting to a weight where I can begin to safely work out again and I'm starting to transition to muscle weight gain now to help improve my fitness and well being. I've also let go of so many of my habits, I no longer count calories, measure out my portions, or choose things lower in calories as opposed to what I really want. Recovery for me means life, it means opportunity to be happy and grow as an individual. I no longer hide in fear and in my safety net, I see friends and surround myself with food and good times. I'm truly experiencing something that I haven't in years, and man does it feel good. I'm stronger than I've been in my whole life. I also wouldn't take back this experience, no matter the amounts of treatment, hospital visits, and therapy. All that really mattered in this recovery was self recognition, it was being able to reflect on my past choices and make the choice to change my life forever. Maybe a mid-life crisis at 17-18 wasn't that bad after all.